sarapsychology

i’m sitting in my empty room with no pants on. TMI? i just got in to a huge fight with my ex. just like any teenager after not getting my way, i contemplated suicide for about 25 seconds before realizing that i’m still here and still breathing. so between my bouts of sobbing uncontrollably, i decided to update my recent discoveries in life. i guess him and i are just friends now, which is extremely awkward for me because i have yet to have one night of sleep where i didn’t dream the SAME exact scenario of us getting back together. any elders in my life would tell me that he sucks and there will always be more boys. yes, there will always be more boys of course, but does that change the fact that i have an extremely bland and unlovable personality… unless under the influence?

it sure doesn’t. being such a goodie two shoes in this bad ass teenager-ruled world i live in makes it hard for me to survive sometimes. for example, i just got my first job ever, at the age of 17. kind of sad because my sister started working at 11, i think. its a pretty big grocery corporation and has great pay. i learned the ropes real quick and of course i treat my authority figures with the utmost respect and admiration. but i look around me and my fellow co-workers, most who are in college, are dancing on the edge of the rules. they were swearing and talking shit about other employees in front of customers, saying ‘Hi, how are you’ like they’re being forced to, and tossing storage keys to one another while 20 feet away. i was appalled, and of course i shrink down into my register from fear and look around to see if any supervisors are around so i can do my best to act like i had nothing to do with this crazy behavior.

i got used to them quickly, and befriended a few of them. a girl in specific i’ve been talking to through text is convinced i have a crush on her. i can guarantee you i don’t, because i would only date a girl if she was an exact replica of selena gomez or britney spears when she was 19.  speaking of britney spears, the highlight of my pathetic life right now is that LAST NIGHT I AM SO PROUD TO SAY…. I SAW BRITNEY SPEARS LIVE IN CONCERT!!! man she was amazing! i sat there wide eyed and amazed at how easily she seems to be able to control all of her sexy man-candy dancers. even if its all rehearsed, she is the epitome of a bitch who can get what ever the hell she wants. what girl doesn’t want that? it makes me sad because my shallow heart does quite long for that same kind of power. even just little things, like today while i was watching the 50 millionth show about renovating houses, there was this disgustingly perfect couple on. he was a total stud muffin, and she was a funny looking money hog. she would constantly refer to herself as a princess, and demand that she get what she wants. what does he do? he sweetly chimes, “Of course my princess will get what ever she wants! All we wish for is the perfect castle for us to raise as many children as she wants to bear,” ………. cue palm to forehead. anyone got a cloning device?

it reminds me of that song a boy wrote for his girl, “If i had a million dollars (If i had a million dollars), I’d buy you a house, yeah i’d buy you a house…”

someone buy me a house!? until next time.

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